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So, this show is doing great, and I know this cuz I actually read the mail. Well, my young assistant, Clive, reads them to me, as I lay in my hammock and he feeds me grapes. He actually shoots them at me.
And a lot of the mail says, “Greg, this show is doing great.” Also, “dude, you’ve really been working out.” And “Wow, it’s like you get taller every day!” Signed: Neil Patrick Harris.
But I get a few complaints. A lot about not enough camera shots of Kat’s feet. I forgot I gave Varney my email. But mostly it’s about swearing. We swear too much on the show, and I agree. Swearing can get an easy laugh, and it feels good. But I don’t like it when we overdo it.
So why am I saying this? Well, cuz we’re f***ed. Sorry, there’s no other word to describe the current situation we are in.
Think about it – as we criminalize parenting, we decriminalize criminals. As we target people trying to protect their kids, we protect those trying to target us. We’re living in a time, where we play catch and release with deranged criminals — picking them up, then tossing them back into the general population, like a fisherman releasing an underweight bass.
It’s now a game of Russian roulette. The government is the gun… The bullet is the criminal… And you’re the target.
Meanwhile — all the secure libs sit in their safe beds watching “Squid Game” on Netflix — a drama from South Korea where people are randomly killed in a series of children’s games. Think hide and go seek with machetes.
I enjoyed the first episode, but I was done. I don’t need to watch it. I can just walk outside and see it for real, on my streets.
Jermaine Foster, sick a maniac had just allegedly robbed one woman Saturday, then knocked another woman to the ground. Maria Ambrocio — a 58-year-old cancer nurse. She fell, suffered a mortal head wound and died a day later. This occurred in the afternoon in Times Square — you know; the only time decent people will venture there. It once was the number one tourist capital, now it’s “Squid Game.” Everyone there is either a criminal, a victim or wearing an Elmo costume.
But of course, here comes the second part of the story – like clockwork – the fiend had been arrested before — but released. So tell me again how racist the justice system is. Maybe to middle-aged Filipino women. The perp was nailed on a groping charge – and like most other heinous thugs– the victims were women.
This story gets repeated more often than Seinfeld. If he’d been in jail, and received the mental health treatment that we pay for — this wouldn’t have happened. Like when a Republican was mayor.
Did you know the current mayor’s wife runs an 800-million-dollar program designed to help mentally ill people? It’s only helped two so far: the mayor and his wife.
There’s more nuts on the streets now, than after an explosion at the Planters factory. $800 million – no one knows where the money went. I think patio furniture and weed.
Meanwhile, the mayor’s son gets chauffeured by actual detectives to and from the drug store. Makes sense… De Blasio doesn’t want his son to be a victim of the crime wave he’s responsible for.
This as Attorney General Merrick Garland directs the FBI to investigate parents as domestic terror threats. Yet flat earthers have more evidence in support of its claims.
As real homicide rates skyrocket, he’s focusing on “claims” of harassment against school boards. Yeah, he’s right. You’ve seen all those videos of parents following teachers into bathrooms with their cell phones. Screaming at school board members, while they’re trying to have a quiet dinner in a restaurant, going to people’s homes and chanting with bullhorns in the middle of the night. Oh, wait -that’s his team.
Imagine where this ends up.
*Skit of inmates one in for murder, the other in for questioning mask mandates at schools*
So perhaps it’s a game of deflection. Create mass hysteria from a fake problem to distract from the real problems. But it’s hard to get distracted from your stolen car, closed business and knife wound.
But people keep dying — from Black teens in Chicago, to Asian women in Manhattan — and they don’t matter because their suffering serves no political purpose. Those black lives don’t matter to ‘Black Lives Matter.’
So as real criminals roam free in the streets like moose in Alaska, and parents of all colors get demonized for caring about their kids’ education, what are you left with? An activist government creating activist parents.
For the surest way to red pill hundreds of millions of Americans is to call them terrorists. And the second surest way, is to protect the thugs as you do that. Put all of us in harm’s way, now the tide turns.
A red tide if you will. And like a red tide, small anti-government activist groups are gonna come to the surface and bloom.
We’ve seen movements come and go. Perot back in the 90s… The Tea Party… Black Lives Matter… Line dancing. It’s time for a parents’ movement that stands up this bowel movement we call a government.
Safe streets and good schools are a popular idea, no matter what news channel you watch. And why pay taxes to a government that chooses the side that victimizes you? It’s like continuing to give the schoolyard bully your lunch money day after day.
How can you respect a government that sees you as a bigger threat than al Qaeda, while citizens get murdered in broad daylight? It’s time for a new Black Lives Matter. Call it all lives matter.
But that’s racist, Greg! Eh, go f*** yourself. So yeah, sorry I swore, and I apologize for any future swearing. But it’s time we gave a f***. Cuz if we don’t, we won’t have any left to give.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the October 11, 2021 edition of “Gutfeld!”