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Selma Blair is making some heartbreaking confessions about her past.
The actress, who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2018, has written a new memoir titled “Mean Baby,” which is set to be released on May 17. In it, she detailed how her battle with alcohol abuse started when she was just 7 years old.
“I don’t know if I would’ve survived childhood without alcoholism,” the 49-year-old told People magazine in the latest issue. “That’s why it’s such a problem for a lot of people. It really is a huge comfort, a huge relief in the beginning. Maybe even the first few years for me because I did start really young with that as a comfort, as a coping mechanism.”
In an excerpt published by the outlet, Blair described her first time getting drunk as “a revelation.”
Selma Blair has written a new memoir titled “Mean Baby.” (Charley Gallay/Getty Images for FIJI Water)
“As I took small sips of the Manischewitz I was allowed throughout the seder a light flooded through me, filling me up with the warmth of God,” the “Cruel Intentions” star wrote. “But the year I was 7, when we basically had Manischewitz on tap and no one was paying attention to my consumption level, I put it together: the feeling was not God but fermentation.”
“I thought ‘Well this is a huge disappointment, but since it turns out I can get the warmth of the Lord from a bottle, thank God there’s one right here,’” she continued. “I got drunk that night. Very drunk. Eventually, I was put in my sister Katie’s bed with her. In the morning, I didn’t remember how I’d gotten there.”
According to Blair, she would take “quick sips” in her early years of drinking to cope with her anxiety.
“I usually barely even got tipsy,” she wrote. “I became an expert alcoholic, adept at hiding my secret.”
Selma Blair and Sarah Michelle Gellar of “Cruel Intentions” at the MTV Movie Awards on June 3, 2000. (Photo by Kevin Winter/ImageDirect)
The outlet noted that Blair’s alcohol abuse escalated in her teens and 20s. In her memoir, Blair wrote that she was raped after a day of binge-drinking during a college spring break trip.
“I don’t know if both of them raped me. One of them definitely did,” she wrote. “I made myself small and quiet and waited for it to be over. I wish I could say what happened to me that night was an anomaly, but it wasn’t. I have been raped, multiple times, because I was too drunk to say the words ‘Please. Stop.’ Only that one time was violent. I came out of each event quiet and ashamed.”
Blair shared that she had only told her therapist about the traumatizing incident. However, she was compelled to share her story openly as part of her journey to heal.
“… I did not realize that assault was so central in my life,” Blair admitted. “I had so much shame and blame. I’m grateful I felt safe enough to put it on the page. And then can work on it with a therapist and with other writing, and really relieve that burden of shame on myself.”
Selma Blair was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2018. (Rich Polk/Getty Images for Discovery)
Blair has been sober since 2016 and is now a proud mom to a 10-year-old son. She’s also feeling hopeful about her future.
“I’m in a good place,” she said. “I cannot believe all this happened in my life, and I’m still here and I’m OK.”