Porizkova, 54, shared an Instagram photo on Thursday of her bare feet in the sand alongside some of her female friends. But it appears the relaxing vacation snap doesn’t quite show her struggle of moving on since Ocasek died in September.
“Peeps, I’m not good. Grief. Anger. No stable ground below me at the moment – insecurity in every pertinent and important area of my future,” Porizkova wrote. “I’m breaking a little under the weight of it all.”
Porizkova and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame singer were estranged before he died of hypertensive and atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease. He was 75.
Porizkova explained the photo was a throwback from her 50th birthday celebration with girlfriends. She then credited her loved ones for holding her together on the “dark days” she’s endured in recent months.
“My amazing and wonderful friends and family who showed up as soon as tragedy struck, and held me and cried with me and got drunk with me and raged with me and then wrapped me up and took care of things,” she wrote in the caption.
Ric Ocasek and Paulina Porizkova in a 2001 file photo. Porizkova shocked fans when she previously announced the split on Instagram.
“All that I have put onto my friendships has been returned a hundredfold. When I think of all the outlets I poured my energy into – friendship is by far the biggest pay-off. And this includes friendships with my family – the time and energy spent building relationships and not taking people for granted.”
She added: “I have not always been successful. In fact, lots of these people disregarded my failings and showed up anyway. And so in the midst of this storm, I think I’ll be ok. I love and am loved.”
It was revealed after Ocasek’s passing that the rocker cut Porizkova out of his will before his untimely death.
“I have made no provision for my wife Paulina Porizkova as we are in the process of divorcing,” Ocasek wrote in his will, according to documents by Page Six.
“Even if I should die before our divorce is final…Paulina is not entitled to any elective share…because she has abandoned me.”
The singer, whose new wave band, The Cars, left a lasting mark in rock music in the late 1970s and 80s, was found dead in his New York City apartment by Porizkova. The NYC medical examiner ruled his manner of death “natural.”
Porizkova and Ocasek met in 1984 while filming the music video for the Cars’ hit single, “Drive.” The two married in 1989 and split in 2017. Their divorce was never finalized before Ocasek’s death.
Fox News’ Andy Sahdeo contributed to this report.